Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
