I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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