shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
