he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have aggressive nipples.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
