I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
