U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
