She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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