About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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