you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
