You really coming over, don't trick.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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