I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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