he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
