I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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