I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Say something about gay babies.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
And then he peed in my hair
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