Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Quick, to the slutcave!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
