i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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