i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
4 words: hood of his car
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
