I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
