I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
