I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
