i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
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The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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