who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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