i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
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