Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?

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  (646): Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why? http://tfl.nu/31ky
  Replies (7) Good night (674) Bad night (953)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.

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  (713): All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter. http://tfl.nu/461a
  Replies (32) Good night (1643) Bad night (2668)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.

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  (651): I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again. http://tfl.nu/g370
  Replies (33) Good night (904) Bad night (7057)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

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  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (290) Good night (63414) Bad night (4985)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm

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  (203): too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm http://tfl.nu/fqzs
  Replies (43) Good night (1354) Bad night (4182)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.

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  (303): Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done. http://tfl.nu/i81l
  Replies (18) Good night (8868) Bad night (971)
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  (914): View more from New York

  just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.

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  (914): just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic. http://tfl.nu/5aat
  Replies (35) Good night (6419) Bad night (1281)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.

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  (308): You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants. http://tfl.nu/tdj1
  Replies (13) Good night (5533) Bad night (1244)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?

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  (902): Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions? http://tfl.nu/r2b3
  Replies (6) Good night (2141) Bad night (1503)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds

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  (603): a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds http://tfl.nu/ayni
  Replies (16) Good night (1322) Bad night (1034)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.

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  (651): Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown. http://tfl.nu/eqha
  Replies (1) Good night (983) Bad night (436)
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  (315): View more from New York

  That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.

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  (315): That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature. http://tfl.nu/jo7c
  Replies (0) Good night (331) Bad night (445)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects

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  (641): The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects http://tfl.nu/vfz8
  Replies (3) Good night (362) Bad night (209)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan

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  (260): Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan http://tfl.nu/48gf
  Replies (2) Good night (513) Bad night (167)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies

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  (920): I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies http://tfl.nu/wxnc
  Replies (5) Good night (251) Bad night (237)

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