I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Can you repeat that, but with context?