My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.