I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
