thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
