:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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