everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
