Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
