honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
