I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
