I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
