the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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