Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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