It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
