I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
