My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
