I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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