She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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