I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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