dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
