He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I wear drunk well.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
