it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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