I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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