i think my mom watched the whole time
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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