Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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