I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
