I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize