listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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