So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize