Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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