just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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