Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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