I'm going to jail i love you
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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