she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
