And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
