i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The power of my boobs compel you
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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