He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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