Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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