So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
