All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
