I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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