Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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