i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
