he told me I talked like a deaf person
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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