Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
