I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I could have mohawked her pubes.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
