You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
