her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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