ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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