dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
