i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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