Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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