omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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