So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
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