You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
