I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
