I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
