if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
