Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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