I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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