He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There r osticjed everywhere
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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